l4d?

it's been a month, ken.

we've been learning how to cope with your loss, been finding distractions to keep ourselves occupied.
i guess you never thought about how it would impact us?

i bought an ultimate distraction on impulse, a pet hamster, and named it kenni.
neph asked me why kenni, why can't it be kenny or kennie..
i said because your facebook name has "Kenni" in brackets..
then i got another hamster, but kenni the notti hammie attacked the smaller-sized newcomer whom we named zombie..

all the names are related to you.

i don't wish to forget your voice, your looks, everything about you.
even if it brings tears to my eyes, i want to remember everything i know about you.

i want to remember how you used to call for help in l4d in a monotonous and slightly frustrated voice: "heellp me."
i want to remember how you always chiong-ed headfirst in our games and then grumbled that only you get attacked by all the special infected...
i want to remember how we always chiong-ed for the good guns esp AK at the cold stream map...
i want to remember the times we went out and had fun together..

i really, really wish you were still here.

perhaps we'd still be playing l4d now if you hadn't done what you did.
perhaps we'd have gone out more often..
perhaps you would have had a much better life if you had chosen otherwise..

if only we could turn back time..
if only i pestered you to confide in us...
if only we asked you out on that day..

so many what-if's..
and i know it's too late.

i just hope that you're happy where you are now...

you will continue to live in our memories....